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Cycling Team

So, I pull up to the criterium course in Pleasanton and I notice a couple of riders pointing at me...interesting.

I get out of my car and I start walking to reg, and again, riders pointing at me - but this time they are giggling!

I stop and make sure I don't have toilet paper stuck to my shoe, or worse, dragging ten feet behind me from my pants.....

Nope, all clean.  I'm good.


Then "POW" "CRASH" and all sorts of breaking carbon noises happen, the sounds that bike racers hate to hear happen in the race that is in progress.  Someone yells "medic" and all sorts of Vietnam area Huey helecopters start landing everywhere while one rider clutching the stub that is left of his arm screams "I think I am hit!" and I can hear guys yelling "medic!" everywhere.  There is moaning as guys dragthemselves across the ground missing limbs, bodies partially scourched..

I go back to my car and send an email to my team 'Sorry guys, I'm not racing, I am pulling the plug.'  -not because I was scared, but because I am riding a borrowed bike.

I immediatly get a text from Nate Freed "You can't pull the plug after that 'This is Sparta' email you sent to the team.  They will have to switch whatever picture is next to the word 'PANZIE' in the dictionary and put your photo there."

Great, I just got heavily influenced by 6th grade pure pressure.

Anyway, I go warm up, somehow figure out how to calibrate a power meter thing, get the numbers - and have no clue what they mean.

Everything is normal for the necxt hour.  I go to the line, get called up, and when I get up there the podium girls are just busting up - like I put my underwear outside my pants on accident again or something.  Interesting..

The race starts and my plan is to just drift back and enjoy the ride, but it does not seem like anyone wants to move forward, and before I know it, there is a group of six of us up the road.  Not tottaly what I wanted because I havn't trained all week and I felt terrible and really just wanted to sit in, but being off the front is way better than risking dying in a fiery crash in the field.

This is where I use tim Westmore's tweets @CrankingGlass
#nccn #fastnfurious Mens Pro-1-2 underway - six racer break with Hutcheson, Devan Dunn
and then,
#nccn#fastnfurious There is a small chase group

#nccn #fastnfurious Roman Kilun also in the break

#nccn #fastnfurious The pack has brought back the chase

#nccn #fastnfurious Add Tyler Dibble to the break

#nccn #fastnfurious Chris Stastny, Devon Dunn, Kilun, Hutcheson, and Tyler Dibble have a lead of 28 seconds

#nccn #fastnfurious This six-racer break has been away for a good number of laps

#fastnfurious #nccn The lead is now 30 seconds

#fastnfurious #nccn Add Mark Duroy to that six-racer break

#fastnfurious #nccn still the same six in the lead - Team Mike's Bikes controlling the field
#fastnfurious #nccn Ten laps remain at Fast and Furious

 #fastnfurious #nccn Start-finish straightaway is thumping with music as spectators ring their cow bells
This is when Cris Stastny said "Chuck, I gotta get something off my chest. Have you seen that new district champ jersey?  It is hideous!  Nobody in Northern California wants to win the championship because they risk having to wear that thing for a year!"

Right after he said that all of the riders from NorCal shook their heads in agreement. Then Tim tweeted:
#fastnfurious #nccn The pace is slowing in the break
We were all looking at eachother and then..
#fastnfurious #nccn Eight to go Dunn attacks from the break

#fastnfurious #nccn Dunn works up a 7 -second lead over the original break

#fastnfurious #nccn Lap counter shows 7-to-go
I thought to myself, "how bad could that jersey look?  So...
#fastnfurious #nccn Hutcheson leading a charge - Dunn out front by 5 seconds

#nccn #fastnfurious Dunn is caught five to go

#fastnfurious #nccn This is stellar stuff in Pleasanton...
Then I realized all the Nor Cal guys in the break sat up I think Tyler Dibble said "Chuck, have fun wearing that jersey a six year old girl who is is known for her expert rainbow and cloud crayon drawing designed!" as he drifted back to the field.

Stastny then yelled,"Chuck, let's go - but you have to win, I under no circumstances want to have to wear that thing!"

#nccn #fastnfurious Two attack Stastny and Hutcheson-as the field catches the rest of the break
Not being from Nor Cal, the Cash Call guys bridged up.  They had no fear of having to wear the silliest jersey ever in the United States for a year
#nccn #fastnfurious Stastny, Hutcheson, Barbering,and Dunn are the break

#fastnfurious #nccn Two to go same four in break

#nccn #fastnfurious Last lap and...
suddenly Statsny sits up, not wanting to risk winning the jersey.  The smaller Cash Call rider attacks, I catch him with two turns to go.  The taller Cash Call rider holds my wheel and comes around me after the last turn and...
#nccn #fastnfurious Dunn wins ahead of Hutcheson
After the race, we do the real podium, spray the crowd with champaign and all that cool stuff.  The the district Championship podium, and they give me the California State Champ Jersey with the bear and all.  I'm thinking that this actually turned out well!

As I am walking away, one of the race staff chasses me down and says "you have to give that jersey back - here is the order form for the jersey you get."  It had a picture of the jersey on it, it was so silly and ugly I thought it was a joke - and I reluctantly gave her back the awsome bear jersey.

When I got home, I went to the web site for the jersey, and it was true.  The jersey I saw in the picture was the one I would be getting.
I found out latter  that a little girl designed it, with crayons.   She was well renowned in kindergarten circles for her ability to draw unicorns and rainbows.  Turns out she was using the jersey as an opportunity to refine her ability to draw shooting stars.

I think all of the winners of the Championships in NorCal should boycott this jersey and order this one from Voler:
More about author and team member CHUCK HUTCHESON. The baby named Chuck was born in Seattle on a dark, cloudy, and rainy day. Upon his arrival, the doctor held him up and a burst of light broke through the clouds and shown upon baby Chuck's head. Although the bright light of the sun caused baby Chuck to squint he smiled as he heard an infinite number of angels sing in unison.

Read all 25 Blog Posts by Chuck Hutcheson

Reader Comments (3)

In the race podium, Chuck is handing the champagne to Dunn because the 'Spartan' couldn't open his own bottle. Good thing Chuck is a cyclists and not a bartender. Congrats on the Premier Series, Chuck!

Aug 8 2012

CrankingGlass says...

Its true, I could not pop it! My new war cry is "this is Athens!"

Aug 8 2012

chuck Hutcheson says...

Im right there with ya brother I won a few races at the old mans track champs this year was excited about sporting my Bear Jersey as I beat up on the weaker of the pathletes on my daily commute. My horror was absolute when I saw the crap they saddled us with for the following year. Def not ordering that mess I would rather wear a primal wear jersey.

Sep 4 2012

Emory says...

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